Phyllis Lam, MHC-LP
Associate Psychotherapist | She/Her/Hers
On the outside, you may appear capable, dependable, and composed, while privately feeling unsure of your boundaries, your relationships, or who you are allowed to be. Perhaps you have spent years adapting to what your family, culture, or relationships needed from you, only to realize that you are no longer certain which choices reflect your own voice. When different parts of your life pull you in competing directions, even knowing what you want can begin to feel complicated.
Hi, I’m Phyllis. I work with individuals who are trying to make sense of complex family dynamics, unresolved childhood experiences, cultural and identity tensions, and relationship patterns that continue to affect them. Together, we can understand how these experiences have shaped the way you relate to yourself and others, strengthen your boundaries, and create relationships that feel more honest and aligned with who you are becoming.
*Phyllis is currently accepting new clients and clinically supervised by Samah Nanda, LMHC-D.
How I Understand the Work
I believe the roles we learn to play in our families and relationships often stay with us long after the original circumstances have changed. You may have learned to keep the peace, remain dependable, minimize your needs, or become the version of yourself that felt most acceptable to others. These patterns can offer belonging and protection, while also making it difficult to recognize what you feel, need, or want.
My approach draws from psychodynamic, relational, and trauma-informed perspectives. Together, we can explore where these roles began, what they have helped you preserve, and how they continue to shape your relationships and sense of self. Greater understanding can create room to respond more intentionally rather than continuing to live from expectations you never consciously chose.
What Therapy With Me Feels Like
My style is warm, grounding, exploratory, and nonjudgmental. I hope therapy feels like a place where you do not have to remain composed, protect other people’s feelings, or arrive with a clear explanation of what is wrong.
You can bring the parts of your experience that feel uncertain, conflicted, or difficult to put into words. We will move at a pace that allows you to feel supported while also looking honestly at the relationships and experiences that have shaped you. Over time, my hope is that therapy helps you trust your own perceptions, feel more entitled to your needs, and build a life in which you do not have to abandon yourself to remain connected to others.
Areas I Often Support
Self-Esteem | Life Transitions | Boundary Setting
Work-Life Balance | Cultural Identity | Inner Child Work
Complex Family Dynamics | Anxiety
Languages
I also provide therapy in Cantonese for clients who prefer it.
A little about me
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Growing up in Asia, I witnessed firsthand the intense academic pressures and mental health struggles my peers faced. Seeking support was still very much taboo and not easily accessible, so watching them navigate their distress alone really stayed with me. It inspired me to become that listening ear and safe space for others. I understand how isolating these experiences can be, and I want to be that support so people don't have to go through that journey alone.
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One of my favorite parts of being a therapist is honestly the beginning, when I get to learn about my clients. I love discovering who they are, understanding how their experiences have shaped them, learning how they think and feel, and just really getting to know them as authentically as they can be in that space.
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Now that the weather is warmer, being outside has been bringing me a lot of joy lately. Just being outdoors in the sun has been really nice—whether that's sitting in Central Park, having a meal outside, going for a walk, hiking, or swimming!
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Running. It gives me a moment of silence—a break from work and the busyness of life to just unwind and honestly not think about anything. It's like a system reboot that lets me be more present and take in my surroundings. Plus, it gets me outside for a while, which is always a bonus!
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Ed.M. in Counseling Psychology, Teachers College, Columbia University
B.A. in Psychology, University of California, Berkeley
Minor in Education, University of California, Berkeley
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”